tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC August 8, 2013 12:35am-1:36am PDT
with you yeah ♪ ♪ i can't help myself from taking the drug from taking the drug it's you yeah ♪ ♪ it happens every time can't get you off my mind and anybody else better wait in line ♪ ♪ i can't help myself from falling in love from falling in love with you yeah ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: parachute! nice job, guys. thank you, gentlemen, thanks, guys, thanks, everybody. i want to thank my guests, matt damon, anna faris and of course, parachute. tomorrow night, robin williams will be here. but "jimmy fallon" happening right now. jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ah, that feels good right there. that feels good! thank you very much.
great new york city crowd. welcome, everybody to "late night with jimmy fallon." you guys feeling good tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's all that matters. welcome to the show and thank you for watching at home. here's what people are talking about. anthony weiner. [ laughter ] he's still not going away. he's still running for mayor here in new york despite all of the sex scandals. in fact, he just released a 19-page booklet with new proposals on how to improve life in new york city. which sounds good until you find out it's a pop up booklet. [ laughter ] [ applause ] actually one of weiner's proposals is to create 100,000 more parking spaces around the city. when they heard that, new york was like, "sex scandal? what sex scandal. let's go! let's get those parking spots! i love anthony weiner! weiner for mayor. i love that guy!" [ cheers and applause ] tony wein!
mitt romney is back in the news, believe it or not. that's right. during a fundraiser last night, mitt romney told republicans that they need to pick a candidate for 2016 who can actually win. [ laughter ] and republicans said, "yeah, i wish you told us that last year. but hey, thanks a lot." [ applause ] what are you waiting for, man? did you guys watch "the bachelorette" this season? [ scattered cheers ] desiree ended up picking chris. but one of the contestants, juan pablo, he was picked to be the next "bachelor." and abc was very, very proud to announce that juan will be the first non-white bachelor in the show's history. can we see the picture of juan pablo? [ laughter ] am i missing something? what is juan pablo? is he hiding behind that white guy? [ cheers ]
that's the first non-white guy? he looks like he got kicked out of a boys band for being too white, this guy. [ laughter ] i don't know the rules anymore. the big power ball jackpot was tonight. it was huge. $425 million. one of the largest power ball lotteries in history. and of course everyone wishes that they could win that much money. which is why you need to have a good strategy picking your numbers. and here to help us out, he's here every night. from the roots, kamal, everybody. kamal -- [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks, jimmy. this jackpot is a crap-ton of money. you know you're gonna want to put your beak on it. so, i want to offer some of my tips that i guarantee will make you a winner. all right. so here are some combinations. you can play 4, 12, 40, 35, 23, with the power ball being 8. 6, 17 --
[ laughter ] -- 21, 26, 9, with the power ball being 7. 51, 19 -- >> jimmy: kamal, kamal, kamal -- do you have anything to add besides just lifting numbers? [ light laughter ] >> of course i do, jimmy. when in doubt, always play your lucky numbers, like me. i just play straight sevens. sevens across the board, baby. [ laughter ] [ applause ] do you play the lottery, higgins? >> steve: no. i've already won the lottery being here. [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: good night, good night. ♪ >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: unbelievable. still pandering for applause. [ light laughter ] it's so sad. you guys, this is a crazy, crazy story. last week, a woman in nevada actually gave birth to a healthy baby boy in the bathroom of a subway restaurant.
>> steve: aw. >> jimmy: yeah. afterwards the manager was like, "aw, you still have to buy something. [ laughter ] it's just the rules. restrooms are for customers only." this is pretty surprising to me. they just did the study that found that if given a choice, most americans would not want to live to the age of 120. people don't want to live to 120. except for that group -- people who are at 119. [ light laughter ] "one more year." i would do it. >> steve: yeah. i saw this video online the other day that made me laugh. i love this video. it's this guy, he's in scotland, right, and he's decided to try and put on this tae kwon do demonstration. okay, you see this? and this poor guy, man, he can't break any of the boards. it might be the worst tae kwon do demonstration ever. nothing works out for this poor guy. take a look at this idiot. >> ah! [ light laughter ]
>> jimmy: he got it! oh, no. [ laughter ] that poor little girl. oh, my goodness. i haven't seen anyone that embarrassed by some wood since anthony weiner. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] >> steve: tony wein. >> jimmy: tony weins. i thought this was actually pretty cool. you know they have been saying that for years, dolphins are really smart. well now, they're saying that dolphins can actually recognize other dolphins even if they haven't seen each other for 20 years. i thought it was a little awkward, though, when they were like, "crap, i hooked up with that dolphin in college and i never called her back. swim to the other side. swim to the other side. go, swim away." [ laughter ] [ applause ] and finally, after a year of trying to reinvent itself, yahoo said they are getting a new logo
in hopes of attracting more users. i think it might work. take a look at the logo. [ laughter ] there you go, right there! we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a fun show tonight! she has a new movie out. we're going to talk and play a game of catchphrase, amanda seyfreid is here! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what! come on. >> jimmy: i love her. people will be talking about this movie. it's pretty crazy. we will talk about it out here, yeah. linda lovelace, the adult film actress. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: horrible life. >> steve: yes. >> jimmy: not a comedy. >> steve: no. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no. and it's not a porno. >> steve: no. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: but it's very
dramatic. it's great. i know amanda from -- [ imitating french accent ] "les miserables." [ light laughter ] [ imitating french accent ] "les miserables" and "mean girls." [ imitating french accent ] >> steve: "mean girls." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this thing just takes it to a whole new level. she puts on a great performance here, and crazy hair and makeup. she doesn't even really look like herself. it's amazing. we will talk about that when she gets out here. also one of our favorites, oh, my gosh. she just makes me laugh. no matter what she is -- she's already back stage complaining about something. she's the greatest ever. a fantastic writer. one of those people that makes new york city great. fran lebowitz is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: how cool is that? she's so cool. you know, we give everyone a stuffed monkey backstage. you pull the -- here. we give these to everybody when they come on as a guest on the show. it's just a monkey with a cape that says "late night with jimmy fallon" on it.
if you pull the monkey's tail, it's a slingshot. [ laughter ] and so, we gave that to her and she goes, "hey, thanks again for this monkey." [ light laughter ] if you think about it, what would fran do with this monkey? and i go, "give it to one of your pets. maybe one of your pets can eat it or something." and she goes, "do i look like someone who has pets?" [ laughter ] we have great music on top of that. brett eldredge is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] country music! a strapping young man and all the ladies love that guy. hey, you guys. i love using e-cards. that's my new thing. i love using e-cards. you guys know what e-cards are? they're easy to use. you take a card on the computer and then you type in someone's email address and you send it to them. you don't have to worry about it.
it's on. they got the card. the new thing. i have a bunch of new favorites that we came up with here at "late night." some brand new ones. not even released yet. so here are the new "late night" e-cards, you guys. get ready. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ e-cards e-cards e-cards e-cards e-cards ♪ >> jimmy: now let's check out this first one here. okay, aw, cute girl. she is resting on some books. it says, "it's back to school time and you know what that means." and then you click inside and it says, "mommy can drink during the day again." [ laughter ] [ cheers ] >> steve: something to take the edge off. >> jimmy: let's check out the next one here. inspirational card. love these. the little kitten dangling from a wire. it says, "hang on, it's only monday." inside it says, "then again, tuesday is going to suck, too." [ laughter ] you have to be prepared. sometimes tuesday is the worst. check out the next card here.
the guy giving a birthday cake to his twin, i guess there. they look alike. it says, "happy birthday from someone who is just like you." inside it says, "except for that whole third nipple thing." that's all you, buddy. brothers. >> steve: it's a very specific e-card. >> jimmy: yeah, simple e-card here. let's show the next card here. an old man posing with a young woman. it says, "happy senior citizens day." that's a real holiday, by the way. august 21st. good to remember. if you know any seniors, good to remember our seniors. let's see what the inside says. "to celebrate, we got you an escort." [ light laughter ] let's show the next one. it's an arm in a cast and it says, "hope your arm heals quickly." inside it says, "but until then you can do the robot at every wedding reception." [ laughter ] pretty good. >> steve: yeah, look on the fun side. >> jimmy: that's all you can do. let's check out the next card
here. "have a great birthday as close as one plus one equals three." inside it says, "sincerely, ryan lochte." [ laughter ] >> steve: he's a good swimmer. >> jimmy: yeah, great swimmer. >> steve: he is a great, great swimmer. >> jimmy: great swimmer. [ laughter ] he really swims a lot. >> steve: he really swims a lot. >> jimmy: really good swimmer. >> steve: i mean, olympic-style swimmer. swims. >> jimmy: sure, sure. check out the next card here. a balloon that says, "i'm so happy you are 30." inside it says, "well, to be honest, i don't really care." [ laughter ] which is true. we are down to our last card here. there you go there. didn't recognize the fake -- >> steve: oh, the fake leg, there you go. no, you got one -- [ light laughter ]
do it. drum roll, please. [ drum roll ] try it again. try it again. [ drum roll ] no, try it again, try it again, we can edit this. [ drum roll ] ♪ you can do it. >> jimmy: i did that on purpose. i want everyone to see your butt. >> steve: no! you got me! >> jimmy: i burned you dude. i burned you. [ laughter ] ♪ [ rhythmic clapping ] we are down to our last card. [ laughter ] listen to this. it's a cute old couple laughing and it says, "after all these years, we still laugh together." >> steve: aw. >> jimmy: that's so sweet. inside it says, "the only difference is we pee a little too." [ laughter ] there you go. that's all the time we have for "late night" e-cards. stick around. we will be back with "wheel of game shows." it's very fun. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ woman ] destination assist. this is ann.
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>> jimmy: let's give it up for tonight's first contestant. come on over. ♪ [ applause ] what is your name and where are you from? >> my name is erica. and i'm from bucks county, pa. >> jimmy: hey, i love it. erica, they pennsylvania over there. >> phillies! >> jimmy: very good. you know the rules here. a series of game shows will flash by on the sharpe 108. and you will freeze the screen by pressing on this buzzer right here. whatever it lands on, that's the game show you will be playing. game shows like -- "what's in the box?" [ laughter ] "wet nap face slap." [ laughter ] "harry potter trivia versus the roots." "tarantula bonanza" and so much more. sounds simple, right? ha ha ha, wrong. [ laughter ] because you might land on one of our dreaded guttenbergs. [ audience oohs ] if you land on that picture of steve guttenberg, you lose your turn.
all of your cash. and you actually owe us $75. [ laughter ] contestant number 1. are you ready to play? >> i'm ready. >> jimmy: all right. let's start up the board! no guttenbergs. say no guttenbergs. >> no guttenbergs. no guttenbergs. >> jimmy: go for it whenever you're ready. [ beeping ] jelly bean jar! [ cheers and applause ] welcome to jelly bean jar. you know how it works. we're gonna bring out a jar of jelly beans. and you have to guess exactly how many are in the jar. to win it has to be the exact number. ready? let's bring out the jar. ♪ aw, this is easy. this seems fairly easy. [ laughter ] take your time. how many jelly beans are in the jar? [ laughter ] >> i will guess three. >> jimmy: let's see, three.
let's count them and see if she's right. judges. might be the easiest one we have ever played. there is one -- did you eat some of these? there's one there. two, three. and there is one on the lid. [ audience ohs ] the answer is four. one clearly stuck under there. take care. thank you so much for playing. ♪ [ applause ] ♪ how are you? >> good. how are you doing? >> jimmy: welcome to "wheel of game shows." what is your name and what is on your shirt? >> i'm andy and these are the great lakes because i'm from michigan. [ applause ] >> jimmy: very cool. i love that. i thought it was a rorschach test or something. "it's my father not coming to little league." all right. let's start the board. be careful. say, "no guttenberg!" it helps! >> no guttenberg. [ beeping ] >> jimmy: go for that buzzer.
heads or tails! very good. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ all right. welcome to heads or tails. ready? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: heads or tails? >> tails. >> jimmy: judges? [ buzzer ] sorry, we are looking for heads. [ laughter ] thank you so much for playing. take care, buddy. ♪ contestant number three. what is your name and where are you from? >> deuce, i'm from ohio. >> jimmy: what's up deuce. ready for this, buddy? let's start up the board right here. no guttenberg! [ beeping ] >> no guttenberg! >> jimmy: hit that buzzer when you are ready! judgment! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this is how it works. we will flash a picture on the screen for a split second. you will have to remember it as well as you can and describe it exactly how you saw it. everything you saw. easy enough. ready? get ready and focus and look in the monitor right there. let's flash the picture. okay. [ laughter ] now what did you see?
>> 6-pack abs? >> jimmy: 6-pack abs, that's it. anything else? >> a water fall? his underwear, a pair of -- and his jeans. >> jimmy: his underwear. okay, very good. let's see if you're right. can we see that picture again. [ laughter and applause ] okay. you saw a shirtless man. sorry, but you lost on that one. i apologize. come on back out over here, please. ♪ guys, you all tied with a score of zero. so to break the tie, you will play one of my favorite game shows, "brownie points." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] very good. welcome to "brownie points." let's put ten seconds on the clock. you know how it works. when i say go, you rack up as many brownie points as you can. ready? go!
♪ come on! seven seconds. six seconds. five seconds. four, three, two, one! [ buzzer ] very good. i'm so sorry. you were supposed to stack the brownies. [ laughter ] [ sad tuba ] that's how you score in the game brownie points. definitely were not supposed to eat them i'm being told. they were laced with dangerous levels of pcp. [ laughter and applause ] the good news is -- how are you guys feeling? no one goes home empty-handed on "wheel of game shows." higgins, tell them about tonight's consolation prizes. >> steve: well jimmy, they'll each be taking home one of these stylish led zeppelin t-shirts where the "l" fell off. as well as a copy of jimmy fallon's grammy award winning comedy album, "blow your pants off." [ cheers and applause ] jimmy! >> jimmy: enjoy those prizes. that's all the time we have on "wheel of game shows." we'll be back with amanda seyfried. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ >> jimmy: we love you pal. we love ya. welcome back to the show. didn't mean to make you dance. >> oh, no. you didn't make me dance. i wanted to dance. >> jimmy: is that how you dance? when you go out? >> yeah, why? what's wrong with that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love it. >> i was feeling the beat. do i look funny? did i look funny? did i look funny? >> jimmy: no. you look gorgeous. >> okay, great. >> jimmy: no, you didn't look funny at all. >> great. >> jimmy: absolutely no. you did it. you nailed it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i have got to tell you something, i am getting a vibe off you right now. that you are ready for an attack. >> yeah, how did you know? yeah. >> jimmy: i could tell. we were talking about this. you are taking this new self defense thing, right? >> right. >> jimmy: what is it called? >> it's called krav maga. it's modified for women. >> jimmy: krav --
>> krav maga. >> jimmy: krav maga. you guys, another one person knows this. [ cheers and applause ] you do know what this? what is it? >> it's israeli fight training. >> jimmy: israeli fight training? >> yeah. i work with this girl named abetella. and she works at the gym that we both work at. and she taught me how to defend myself. i mean, i'm not there yet. i only had four sessions. you should get up. can i show you? [ cheers and applause ] come on. i'm gonna just need you to -- you have to choke me. that's all you have to do. >> jimmy: don't kick me or anything. >> i'm not gonna -- i could kill you. >> jimmy: oh okay, right. [ laughter ] what do i -- what do i have to do? what if i just -- >> choke me. >> jimmy: choke you? >> yeah, yeah. choke me. >> jimmy: i'm going to really go for it though. [ laughter ] >> okay, you can go for it. choke me. >> jimmy: i'm serious. >> do it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm really serious. >> okay, do it! >> jimmy: should i get mad? or should? >> yeah, you can get mad. you can do whatever. >> jimmy: i don't want to you, to have that! [ laughter ] >> i don't want you to choke me jimmy! >> jimmy: you have that. that's my food and you are not going to -- if you weren't a girl! i'm going to choke you!
>> yeah, you're gonna. oh! sorry! >> jimmy: ow, ow, ow! wait, you almost broke my wrist. [ laughter and applause ] but i feel like i got a good choke on you there. [ laughter ] >> i feel like my technique was all off. >> jimmy: yeah, you're technique was off. do we have a replay of what i just did? i attacked her. >> jimmy: look at this. i came at you like a cat. i grabbed you. that hurt me there, yeah. [ laughter and applause ] that hurt me yeah. >> sorry. my technique is off. >> jimmy: no, that was good by the way. >> no, you did -- i did not. did i really? >> jimmy: you hurt my wrist a little bit. >> i'm so sorry! and the baby! and you've got the baby! >> jimmy: no i'm kidding. no i'm kidding. i'm joking, i'm joking. but that's a good move. what did you actually do? [ laughter ] >> what i was trying to do -- what i was attempting to do is lock your hand here. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> and then grab -- i lock this, right here. >> jimmy: got this, yeah. >> i lock your hand here. and i grab -- >> jimmy: ooh, ow, ow. >> -- and i pull around. and i could break your hand and then i just go right there, to the cheek or the nose. [ laughter ] then i will pull you aside and get a good control hold. then i'll knee you. and then shin you in the balls. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a break.
[ applause ] >> sorry. >> jimmy: that's a good segue to the movie. >> yeah. it is. >> jimmy: lovely. i didn't know much about this woman. it's a tragic tale. >> linda lovelace was an adult film star and no one knows her real story. everything she represents does not reflect who she is. >> jimmy: made the most successful adult film of all time or something? >> made as much as "mama mia." >> jimmy: it really did? >> yeah. for a good comparison, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and they are turning "deep throat" into a broadway musical. [ laughter ] no, they are not. they're not. [ laughter ] my girl sharon stone is in this. as your mom. >> she's unrecognizable. that sharon stone. >> jimmy: she's fantastic. sarsgaard, always hitting homers. >> always playing good monsters. really good at it. >> jimmy: yeah. bobby cannavale, very funny. hank azaria, funny and good. >> chris noth. >> jimmy: chris noth is great. anyway, it's a fun cast.
and i want everyone to watch amanda seyfried in "lovelace." take a look. >> you okay? >> i'm a little nervous. i never had lines to talk before. >> we got the best job in the world. we just tune everybody out and live in the moment like we are the only two people on the planet. >> tune everybody out. live in the moment. >> exactly. you're going to do great. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is that adam brody? >> it sure is. >> jimmy: that's the whole film that is like a gritty film look to it too as well. so, good job by the director. that was great. would you like to play a game? >> i do. yeah, of course. >> jimmy: let's do it. stick around and amanda and i are playing "catch phrase" when we get back. amanda seyfried everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ one day, i want to win the science fair. and? and then go to college and study science.
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"lovelace" one word. amanda and i are about to play a game of "catchphrase," one word. we are joined tonight by our teammates, one word, from our studio audience. [ laughter ] what are your names and where are you from? >> i'm katie from east lansing, michigan. ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: katie. and -- >> my name is beau. i'm from virginia beach, virginia. >> jimmy: that's what i'm taking about, beau. ♪ [ applause ] all right. here's how it's going to work. amanda will start the game by press start on this here buzzer and then draw a clue from the top of the pile. get your teammate to guess the clue as quickly as possible then hand the buzzer off to the person on your right. you can be physical, you can say anything, but you can't say any word in the actual clue. if you're holding the buzzer went it goes off, your team loses that round. oh, yeah. first team to win two rounds wins. what's up, beau. [ laughter ] >> we got this. >> jimmy: amanda, you are first. let's -- press start. here you go. >> okay. >> jimmy: here you go. draw your clue. [ beeping ] >> okay. oh, it's -- it's on a plane. it's what makes it fly.
>> a wing. >> no, the other thing. >> gas. >> the other thing that moves in front of it. >> oh, the motor. the propeller. [ fast beeping ] >> this is at the edge of the part of your mouth that hits the teeth. it is -- >> jimmy: lip. >> when you have a word and it's at the edge of your. >> jimmy: tongue! >> it's at the edge of your tongue. it's at the -- >> jimmy: tip of my tongue. >> oh, it's the song by daft punk right now. it's really hot. >> what? >> daft punk. >> sing a little bit. >> says -- >> lucky. "get lucky." >> yes. >> jimmy: very good. get lucky. all right. okay -- [ imitates fog horn ] >> it's a fog horn. >> jimmy: yes. very good. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, my god! it's a cartoon and they say it to the physician. it's a cartoon. he's like -- aaaah. >> oh, my god! >> jimmy: come on girls! >> you eat it and it's like -- >> jimmy: i don't know. [ buzzer ] >> we got it! >> jimmy: i eat it. >> by the way i don't know any top 40 hits. >> jimmy: i eat a lot of things,
bro. i have a weight problem. [ laughter ] >> i can't believe -- >> jimmy: all right. 1-0, big deal. always a chance for jimbo to come back. [ laughter ] >> this is intense. >> jimmy: so fun. [ beeping ] >> when you hit it's 50 -- 51, you are past a certain milestone. >> jimmy: over the hill? >> yes. >> that's 40. >> jimmy: 50's the new 40. >> okay, i'm not standing but i'm-- >> sitting? >> yes. and quack, quack. >> sitting duck. >> yes good. >> jimmy: this is good. okay. when i was a kid i used to traded these with my friends. >> cards. baseball cards. basketball cards. >> jimmy: yes. it was baseball cards. >> this is someone you call someone with glasses when you're making fun of them -- >> four eyes. >> jimmy: hey! >> nothing. [ fast beeping ] >> it's like bling. you get it on shirts. you can put it on things like bedazzle -- really cheap. really cheap. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: stickers? >> no, no. they are really shiny and you put them on hats. you know like -- >> jimmy: costume jewelry. >> no, no. it's really shiny -- oh, crap. >> jimmy: shiny things --
diamonds. [ laughter ] >> cheaper. cheaper. cheaper than diamonds. >> jimmy: cubic zirconia. [ buzzer ] beau, what is it? [ applause ] >> oh, my god! >> rhinestones. >> jimmy: rhinestones! i -- cheaper than diamonds. wait that means we lost. i've never lost. can i get some losing music? [ laughter ] >> can we get some winning music? can we get some winning music? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our thanks to amanda seyfried right there, the winner katie the champ. [ cheers and applause ] beau we'll get them next time. fran lebowitz is next. come on back. go see "lovelace" in theaters. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ -no way! -is it really??? [ jim koch ] they just found out
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take better care of your face all this produce from walmart and secretly served it up in the heart of peach country. it's a fresh-over. we want you to eat some peaches and tell us what you think. they're really juicy. it must have just come from the farm. this right here is ideal for me. walmart works directly with growers to get
you. >> a pleasure. >> jimmy: thank you for coming back to the show. >> you're welcome. >> jimmy: how is -- how is summer in new york treating you? >> um, well, i've spent most of the summer at the dentist. >> jimmy: wait. why, why, though? >> i have been summering. it wasn't a choice. it wasn't -- you know -- or the dentist. >> jimmy: you had to get work done on your teeth. >> root canal. yes. >> jimmy: no! that's the ultimate -- that's the worst thing you can get at the dentist. >> at the dentist, yes. >> jimmy: yes. at the dentist. the worst you can get. [ laughter ] that's not good. >> not in the world though. >> jimmy: no, not world, no. cause we just heard back stage, we were talking that if you travel on a subway, you could be attacked by a shark. >> yes, right before i left, i heard on the radio that they said a dead shark was found on the n train. and they over and over again they kept saying the shark was dead. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know, as if there might be a live shark. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: great reporting. yeah, the shark the dead. don't worry about it. >> you know i wasn't surprised there was a shark on the n train. i mean there could've been alive shark on the n train during hurricane sandy, i suppose. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. maybe. >> there was a dead shark and it
was under the seat. so had it -- it was discovered by the smell. so i take the n train quite frequently. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i must say. and i was surprised you could smell a dead shark. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not true, yeah. you can't smell a dead shark on the subway. lie. >> yeah. there's currently days where you would not have noticed. >> jimmy: nice time. yeah, no. so when you are not the at the dentist, i see you -- >> i'm on the n train. >> jimmy: here's how i see you. on the n train or -- are you on one of those city bikes. that's where i see you, riding around on those great bicycles. >> this is another great bloomberg invention. >> jimmy: how -- [ laughter ] how mad are you about the city? i assume that -- when i first saw them, i think of you immediately going, "this, this is crazy." >> yeah, is it. because the streets -- since bloomberg has become the mayor, which is the early 19th century, i believe. [ laughter ] since he's become the mayor, he has constantly put more and more things in the streets, which is the same size it always was. >> jimmy: the street hasn't gotten bigger. >> the street hasn't gotten bigger. so it's the same size it always was and it used to have people, cars, buses, cabs -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> horses, carriage. now, it has lawn chairs.
what new yorker -- [ laughter ] new yorkers always used to say you know what's wrong with times square? no lawn chairs. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that -- i love -- i haven't used the area. maybe next time you go out, we'll both go out there and to see if it's fun. >> maybe not. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe not. >> jimmy: i think the girl, who was just on would've do that. >> jimmy: okay, all right. she might do it as well. she might go out there with me. yeah. >> she is more likely to do that. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> lawn chairs. plants. those giant plants, which you know, bleachers -- rickshaws, okay. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> and you're not supposed to call the rickshaws. >> jimmy: they are not rickshaws they are called -- >> they're called pedicabs. they're rickshaws. >> jimmy: yeah. i thought they are. [ laughter ] >> rickshaws. >> jimmy: we change the name here. >> cars, taxicabs. >> jimmy: yeah. >> regular bicycles. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> horse and carriages and now these new citi bikes. >> jimmy: yeah, but why don't you like bikes? do you ride a bike? >> i did ride a bike when i was a child. okay. [ laughter ] i mean, like -- yes, i know how to ride a bike in case you were asking that. i rode a bike when i was a
child. i know you're not allowed to say this now, but a bicycle it's a toy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's a toy. i mean, i also played jacks when i was a child. i played hop scotch when i was a child. [ laughter ] you know, i'm afraid to say this, cause bloomberg might think, hop scotch we should close this avenue. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's not going to make a hop scotch on fifth avenue. >> i mean, the entire city is like a festival for 9-year-olds. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. >> which is why we have this the kind of sex scandal we have with anthony weiner which is certainly the sex scandal of an 11-year-old boy. [ laughter ] at best. >> jimmy: at best. it is. >> i mean, even like 13-year-old boys must be say are you kidding? that's sex. [ laughter ] he cannot be the mayor. >> jimmy: he cannot be the mayor. >> no, because one of the jobs of the mayor is greeting visitors. you know, he has to stand in a receiving line and who's going to shakes hands with anthony weiner? [ laughter and applause ] i mean -- >> jimmy: but you have -- let's not even fist pumps.
let's just have a understanding. but he is always in the news -- and all they can talk about is anthony weiner, anthony weiner and a-rod. >> a-rod. >> jimmy: what are your thoughts on a-rod? do you have anything? >> i feel -- first of all, i don't really follow sports as you may recall. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but they do follow you. in other words, if someone is reporting about it, you learn about it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so there was a moment where i actually i saw derek jeter on tv being asked about a-rod. and then i realized that i thought the guy that was derek jeter was the one who i thought was a-rod but -- [ laughter ] it turns out that they are two completely different guys. >> jimmy: two completely different human beings. >> right. and like -- it was a very interesting expression on derek jeter's face when he was being asked about a-rod because it was the same expression you see on the face of both bill de blasio when he asked about anthony wiener. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i thought to myself, well, really what they should do is trade places. you know, let a-rod run for mayor. because he has free time now. [ laughter ] let anthony wiener sit out the 214 game suspension because we
know he can amuse himself. [ cheers and applause ] i wanted to give you this before -- this is a gift. you gave me a gift. not the monkey. >> jimmy: i will take care of that. sorry about that. >> last time you gave me a kindle. >> jimmy: yes. >> so now i am giving you this. you have to open it. >> jimmy: i do. >> yes. >> jimmy: here we go. thank you very much. it's very, very nice. i like the wrapping paper too. its very simple. [ laughter ] you can give it on any occasion. >> that's right. and it is. >> jimmy: it is. here we go. i'm very excited. >> this is a children's book that i wrote in 1994. it's for your daughter. [ audience aws ] [ cheers and applause ] it's out of print. it's out of print. but if you'll hold it up, it may go back into print. [ laughter ]
>> and if you go where the post it is, you'll see i wrote it in for your daughter. >> jimmy: yes. for winnie -- this is for my -- that's the name of the my baby. my little girl. for winnie, i hope you haven't read this yet. [ laughter ] i hope -- i don't think so. i don't think she has. i love you. come back whenever you want to. >> thank you. >> jimmy: fran lebowitz. come on! brett eldredge performs when we get back, come on back everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ female announcer ] jump-start your day
>> jimmy: our next guest has a massive, massive hit on the billboard country chart right now with the song, "don't ya." and he's making his late night debut to perform it for us. please welcome brett eldredge! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ girl you cut those jeans just right i know you didn't buy 'em like that ♪ ♪ so baby don't even try that you dance oh you move yeah ♪ ♪ like there ain't nobody watchin' but girl you know i'm watchin' ♪ ♪ don't lie you've got it all figured out ♪ ♪ that smile has got me spinnin' around ♪ ♪ don't even try
actin' like it ain't no thing ♪ ♪ cause i can see you move a little closer, closer girl i gotta get to get to know ya, know ya ♪ ♪ everything about ya makes me want you, want you know what you're doin' baby don't ya, don't ya ♪ ♪ you've been lookin' over here all night and when i look you look away ♪ ♪ oh i love the little games you play yeah i bet you didn't mean ♪ ♪ to brush my hand when you walked by me like you didn't mean to drive me crazy ♪ ♪ don't lie you've got it all figured out ♪ ♪ that smile has got me spinnin' around ♪ ♪ don't even try actin' like it ain't no thing ♪
♪ cause i can see you move a little closer, closer girl i gotta get to get to know ya, know ya ♪ ♪ everything about ya makes me want you, want you know what you're doin' baby don't ya, don't ya ♪ ♪ wanna get outta here and let me show ya how good it would feel to hold ya ♪ ♪ put your pretty little head on my shoulder oh yeah ♪ ♪ don't lie you've got it all figured out ♪ ♪ that smile got me spinnin' around ♪ ♪ don't even try actin' like it ain't no thing ♪ ♪ no don't lie you've got it all figured out ♪ ♪ that smile has got me spinnin' around ♪ ♪ don't even try actin' like it ain't no thing ♪
♪ cause i can see you move a little closer, closer girl i gotta get to get to know ya, know ya ♪ ♪ everything about ya makes me want ya, want ya know what you're doin' baby don't ya, don't ya ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about, brother. brett eldredge, everybody! look for his new album, "bring you back." my thanks to amanda seyfried, fran lebowitz right here, again. fran, thank you very much. brett eldredge, once again. and the greatest band in late night, the roots, everybody! stay tuned for my man, carson daly. thanks for watching. have a great night and i hope to see you tomorrow. bye bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪